Fangboner Farms

Ice Ice Baby

I know it sounds like I whine a lot about living on the farm - or those that know me say I just whine in general - but I really do love living in the country.  It's just all the adjustments that go with it that I'm having trouble with.  I'm old - well not really but old for big changes - and I'm used to a certain way of doing things.  And those things seem to keep changing.

Last weekend I was in Florida for my daughter Mimi's Masters' graduation. It was warm and while I'm not a big fan of summer, I enjoyed the weather.  I came home to rain and dreary days. Typical for Fall, right?  So Tuesday morning I go out to get into my car, and the door was stuck from being frozen.  It opened when I tugged on it but all the windows were frosted over.  I opened the trunk to get my scrapper and no scrapper. Must have been a victim of throwing everything out of my trunk during the move.

It's not supposed to be scrapper time yet.  And the worst part is, and I will admit it, I am spoiled.  I have had a garage for my car for the last 20 years. Not now. So I found my leather gloves in the trunk and started trying to scrape the windows with my hands. And of course, I was pleasant, happy and full of warmth and sunshine as I did it.  Refer back to previous posts and my tendency to sometimes say not-so-nice words.

All the time I am grumbling, complaining and feeling totally sorry for myself that I have to live like this and be so inconvenienced. All I ask for is a garage, sidewalks, no mud, no scary birds or bugs and everything just as I've always had it.  Is that too much to ask?

So in the middle of my small temper tantrum, as I walk around my car scraping it with my gloved hand, I slip on the ice in my heels.  I catch myself on the car and avoid another wardrobe catastrophe- thank goodness not a wardrobe malfunction.

Just then my knight in shining armor appeared.  Or my friendly farmer in his overalls.  Roland had heard me - although who didn't really at that point - and brought out a scrapper. He told me get in the car and warm up and he'd take care of it. So I did and he did.

So what did I learn today? Keep a scrapper in the car at all times. Most things in life aren't worth throwing a tantrum over. And thank goodness I was smart enough to fall in love with a patient man who understands me and my trouble with adjustments.

And seriously, I was hearing "Ice Ice Baby" in my head all the way to work.  I can do a mean Vanilla Ice car dance performance.  Cheered my morning right up. Enjoy!

Not Quite Mud Wrestling But Close

If you live in the city, you probably have never noticed how much concrete is around you. Sidewalks, driveways and walkways are all around. For the most part, mud is just an inconvenient aspect of your backyard. I took sidewalks and driveways for granted.

Well it's a bit different at the farm. We have some gravel in our driveway but for the most part it is dirt.  One of our projects for Spring is to re-gravel.  But the wonderful rains of the last couple of days have created a new sport at the farm - how to get to the car, open the gate and get to work in a suit and heels without wearing the farm to work.

This morning was almost a full contact sport with the ground before I left.  I went out the front door and down the sidewalk.  It's all good.  Then I stepped onto the driveway and sank. It threw my balance off, and if you know me, balance is not something I'm good at. I lifted my foot to take another step and left my high heel in the mud, thus losing my balance and stepping into the mud with my foot. And sinking.  And getting mud on my suit pants.

So I stood there, said a few choice words and lifted my foot and attempted to hop on my other foot to the car.  Just picture for a minute, if you will, a woman carrying a purse and files, holding her pant legs up, attempting to hop to the car on one foot as she sinks further into the mud with each hop. Yeah, it wasn't pretty.  And neither was my suit.

So I gave up.  I just stepped in the mud, turned around and came back into the house. I changed my suit, my knee highs, and put on an old pair of boots.  I carried another pair of heels, walked out to the car in the mud and got in it to go to work.

We have gates at the end of our driveways.  I had to get out of the car and  walk through more mud to unhook it. No problem, I was prepared in my old boots.  But I forgot about the hole on the one side of the drive, stepped into it and dropped my suit pants I was holding up, right into the mud.

I decided at that point, a little mud on my pants wouldn't be noticeable if I kept talking to people so they looked at my face and not my feet, right?  Sounded good in theory anyway.  It was noticed.

So what lessons did I learn today?  Always wear boots. Hopping on one foot never works. People do look at your feet.  And get that driveway re-graveled ASAP.

There is an upside though.  When I was 5, I sold bags of dirt to the neighbor ladies as Magic Beauty Mud for a nickle.  And they bought them.  I could have a whole new beauty empire right out in my driveway.  Magic Beauty Mud anyone?  I can cut you a great deal.

I think Alfred Hitchcock is Alive and Living in Holland, Ohio

This morning I was running around the house trying to do a million things before I left for work. Roland had already left so the house was quiet.  I heard this weird noise and couldn't figure out what it was.  It sounded like the wind but different.

As I went out the front door to get into my car, the noise was really loud, like a screeching. I looked over at the trees lining our driveway and saw all these black leaves falling into the corn field next to us.  As I continued to look, I realized they weren't leaves - they were birds.  They were diving bombing into the corn field in waves.  There were hundreds of them.  Or thousands, I'm not sure, but they were everywhere.  One huge flock would swoop into the field and another would fly back up from the field to the trees.

It scared me to death.

One of the scariest movies I have ever seen (besides "The Wizard of Oz" and the Flying Monkeys. I just hear that music and it terrifies me to this day) is "The Birds." I thought I was in the movie.  It was a gloomy morning, dark sky and these birds everywhere.  I slowly walked to my car, convinced if I ran like those kids in the movie from the schoolhouse, they would swarm me. The hair was literally up on the back of my neck as I got into the car and took off down the driveway.

Isn't it funny how movies can give you those feelings of fear, death and destruction and make you look at things differently the rest of your life?  I've never seen that many birds together in the city - but I course I didn't live next to a corn field.  Another one of the hidden dangers of country life they don't tell you about.

So congrats to Mr. Hitchcock, wherever he may be.  Your movie continues to scare the you-know-what out of me.

Since you all weren't at the farm this morning, here's a reminder of just how scary birds can be...