Fangboner Farms

"Stop this crazy thing!"

Long denied to me, but I feel owed to me, the opportunity to play with the big boys happened on Sunday. I got to drive the zero turn big mower and cut the grass.

I have asked Roland if I could use it but something always came up. He was in a hurry, he would show me next time, the yard needed some landscaping work first and it would take too much time, yada yada yada. But Sunday, he was weak from planting perennials with me all day, a great dinner on the deck with a nice cold beer and probably lack of interest in doing it himself.  So I sprung.

We went out into the front yard and I climbed up on it the mower.  If you've never seen a zero turn, they don't have pedals, you do all the driving with these handles on the sides. You grab them to increase/decrease speed, stop, turn, everything. Very different than a car.

So Roland started it up and quickly showed me what all the buttons were for - choke (I know I'm going to sound ignorant but I've never really understood what the choke does other than stall it quickly), off button and some other ones I wasn't sure about.  He told me to push the handles forward, pushed the speed all the way up, and walked away.  So I pushed the handles forward - and flew across the yard.

Now our yard is pretty long, but I was heading in the direction of the road - and Crissey Road is pretty busy. It was so fun, like a Cedar Point ride, when I realized the road was coming quickly and stomping my foot on the floor did no good without a brake pedal.  I screamed at Roland who said pull the handles back to stop.

So I pulled back. Uh, that puts you in reverse.  So I slammed to a shuddering stop, did a nice burn mark in the yard and shot backwards.  As I screamed to Roland again, this time adding that nasty word that I have been known to occasionally use, asking how to stop this crazy thing, he ran over.

So we found out that there is another language issue between the Southern boy and Midwestern girl.  His interpretation of "back" meant push them out to the sides. Back out?  I'm not sure, but after a bit more detailed driving lesson, he turned it down to old lady speed and off I went.

I was amazing.  I drove around the trees, trimmed closely around the beds, hit the big address stone but that's indestructible, and created unique and creative cut lines in the grass. I found out later that the new electric run we had put in at the front for new lights and wasn't really buried yet, was cut.  Roland said he probably did it and for once, I didn't have to be right and let him own that one. 

But it was fun.  Next up, the smaller tractor we use for hauling mulch, compost and tilling.  Roland doesn't quite know that yet, but I'll let him know I'm ready for my next big farm equipment driving lesson this weekend. I mean, what can I really hurt out back, right?

Have to say though, as I was flying backwards, the line "Jane stop this crazy thing" ran through my mind.  Remember George Jetson?  One of my all time favorite cartoons. 

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