I know I usually write funny (at least in my mind anyway) stories on my blog. This one is a little bit different. So please indulge my introspection for just a minute.
Life has been full of ups and downs the last few months. It’s made me take a step back and look at my life with a different perspective. One of my closest friends Gretchen was diagnosed with triple negative cancer throughout her body in March after a three year remission from breast cancer. My Dream Group and I helped Gretchen, her husband Mike and their kids through this awful time. She ended her journey on May 6th.
My sister Joan was diagnosed with breast cancer in March also. She had a lumpectomy and radiation. Joan always sees life with the glass half full. She is recovering and moving ahead with her life and enjoying every minute.
I went in for a routine mammogram in June and was surprised to get called back for more films. I was even more surprised to have to get biopsy. Luckily, mine was benign. I never knew I could love a word as much as I do benign. My mom died of breast cancer on Christmas Eve in 1963, when I was three years old. Cancer has always been part of my vocabulary as the “bad thing” that took my mommy from me. I have always felt I would never get cancer because my mom paid the price for our family.
I still believe that I won’t but now that “bad thing” has affected more people I love. I know that this is life, things aren’t always fair and sometimes it just sucks. I’ve been angry, sad, depressed, philosophical, in denial and back around all of those emotions many times.
But the one feeling I keep coming back to is gratitude. I’m so grateful for the wonderful life I have. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without Roland, all of our kids, my family, my friends, my four legged family members and my job. And the farm. I love watching the sunrise in the morning and just being in the quiet and peacefulness we have. Even the damn critters that now I kind of enjoy looking for and yelling at. I love watching our herbs grow and the satisfaction I get from watching Roland do all the work to make them grow. And riding the tractor and cutting the fields like a real farmer. And sitting on my swing and just enjoying the moment.
Life isn’t perfect. I have some things I’m working on. Seeing all the drastic changes that have happened when I took life for granted is making me more determined to make myself as healthy as possible. Getting the weight and stress down and exercise and motivation up. And to keep my sense of humor more when I get uptight about something that really just doesn’t matter that much. So my introspective moment is done for now. Look for more life on the farm posts and back to my usual smart a#! remarks. Life is good. And I’m going to make sure I enjoy every damn minute of it.