Fangboner Farms

The Joys and Dangers of Trash Pickin'

We haven't had a lot of things to laugh about the last month or so.  One of our close friends is in hospice care and we've been helping to take care of her. But as we were coming home from the hospital last month, something did happen to make us smile for quite awhile.

I was driving and very upset from what had happened at the hospital.  Roland was quiet and we weren't talking at all. I turned down a road that is full of newer houses and not very busy.  All of sudden, I saw a beautiful wicker loveseat out by the road.  It was sitting next to bags of garbage and obviously set out as trash.  I yelled at Roland we had to stop and look at it.

Now I'm not a trash picker myself.  At times when I have found cool things set out - our neighbor's dining room table years ago as an example - I am too embarrassed to think about picking it up.  So I do what any self respecting person does - I've sent my kids to do it. Then if someone sees us, I can throw them under the bus and say that I was making them put it back, thus saving my reputation.  It's worked well for us before. Well they're both out-of-state, so it wasn't an option.  But I did have Roland.

So I pulled into the drive and he picked it up to put into the trunk.  It wouldn't fit and I was nervous because it was broad daylight and I was afraid someone would see us. Roland opened the back door and shoved it in the back seat.  It didn't fit and got stuck. Then it happened.  A car slowed down and put his turn signal on. He was turning into the driveway where we were parked.  I panicked and threw the car in reverse.  Then I looked up.  I knew him from my previous job - a pretty high powered business guy in town.  I ducked my head, yelled at Roland and pulled the car out - with the trunk open, and the back door open with the loveseat sticking out of it. And of course Roland went up and talked to him.  I heard him ask if he cared if we took the loveseat.  I was sitting in shame out in the road in the car.  He pulled in and went  up to the house - and proceeded to get out and watch us.

I pulled back in and screamed at Roland to hurry up and get it in the car. It was wedged. I pushed as hard as I could and it wouldn't move.  So I got out and pulled it from outside - all the time keeping my head down. I realized Roland hadn't turned it to get it in, so when I got it out, I turned it on its side and pushed it in.  (as an aside, if I am the more logical of the two of us, it must be the result of extreme stress and panic on my part) As we screeched out of the driveway and towards home, I was so upset.  All I could think of was that I was a trash picker and got caught at it.  Roland didn't get the whole being upset part but also wisely didn't laugh at me.

So when we got home, I had calmed down and was a little excited about our cool new acquisition. I opened up the back and we pulled it out and put it on the ground.  Then it hit both of us. It has no legs. Of course now in retrospect, how could we have gotten a loveseat in my little car with legs on it.  But in the excitement/fear/panic of trash picking, we both missed it.

So for now, I'm thinking of spray painting it a funky color and hanging it off the barn as a planter. Or if someone is out trash picking and comes across a swingset at the curb that we could hang it from as a swing, bring it on by.  Just a heads up - it probably won't fit in your backseat.  And if it does, it probably isn't big enough.

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